Australians mediocrity

           I assure him that this is not so. Whatever the reaction down in the southern hemisphere, up here, to use those six letters in a more conventional form than that preferred by captain Michael Clarke (see below), Mr Maxwell will find not a titter of the kind against which Frankie Howerd often cautioned.The clearest sign of mental derangement is that those most closely involved in the debacle have yielded whatever grasp of English they previously enjoyed, while others find their speech patterns bizarrely altered.It is as if Australian cricket, having died from embarrassment at the post-declaration innings defeat, was instantly reincarnated as John Prescott. Also failing to uphere to certain linguistics standards is the coach. Mr Arthur may be a splendid man, if not just the sort of guy who inspired Toni Basil to sing “Hey Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind” in her cheerleading classic. But nothing short of a doctor’s note can excuse his verbal inventiveness.Among the various behavioural shortcomings to distress him, the coach listed “high skinfolds”. Had he spoken these words, you would have taken it for a garbled reference to a breach of rule c), and an attempt to enunciate “high on skinfuls.There are times when it is less a temptation than a moral imperative to giggle at the sporting misfortunes of our former possession. Australia’s distinction this week in becoming the first Test side to lose a match by an innings after making a declaration was such a case